"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
06/19/2014 at 09:01 • Filed to: Pot Laws
3
16|
"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
06/19/2014 at 09:01 • Filed to: Pot Laws | 3
| 16 |
Living in Colorado has lots of perks. Here's a list of just a few of them:
Listening to people tell you nonstop about how the Broncos embarrassed and humiliated themselves on the most global stage possible
Listening to people talk nonstop about how Colorado is all snow and skiing or all ranching and cow pies
Getting stuck in traffic for six hours straight trying to actually get to all that snow and skiing
But my personal favorite is listening to people talk nonstop about how Colorado is...well, let me quote someone on this:
Hey, man, did you hear that like in Colorado you can do pot now, man? Also, insert other drugged out hippie stereotypes in here. And while we're at it, throw in a hurr and a durr for good measure. Hurr. Durr.
...actually, that isn't my favorite thing about Colorado, though it is related. My favorite thing about living in Colorado is how apparently I can't even leave the state anymore unless I were to pull a Fargo and steal some poor out of state doof tourists' plates.
I don't know if the "license plate profiling" thing is real or not, but enough people believe it is, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (though I tend to trust their journalistic integrity about as far as I can drive a Ferrari without a fire extinguisher - note to Doug: you're a brave, brave man). I'm really not in a hurry to go anywhere where I know I can be pulled over for bullshit, !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
I can't do much, but at least you'd figure that our dear governor John Hickenlooper (yes, that's seriously his name) and the state legislature might be able to think of something. With primary state elections ending in less than a week, it might not be a bad thing to think about. But what can they do then? I don't know. But I am a guy on the Internet and I have access to classic movie clips on YouTube and say "maybe they should take a page out of the Chicago playbook:"
That said, if there's one thing a lifetime of couch potatodom has taught me, it's that sending a bunch of bodybags full of Nebraska and Kansas men back to the morgue !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! (or, wait, does that mean I actually paid attention in history class?) So how can the great state of Colorado play by Chicago rules then?
Actually, despite weed being legal here, Colorado is just as interested in stemming the trafficking of illegal drugs as any other state. And perhaps instead of trying to fight other states profiling our drivers, maybe we should lend them a helping hand. I mean, if they think cars with Colorado tags are smuggling boatloads of pot, imagine the trafficking potential of, say, a Nebraska or Kansas-based semi rig? It might be a good idea to maybe set up some checkpoints at the Colorado/Kansas border on I-70 and the Colorado/Nebraska border on I-80 and stop every bit of Nebraska and Kansas-sourced commerce that comes through for inspection. You know, for the children and all.
"Sir, I'm going to have to inspect your rig. Yes, the WHOLE rig. Yes, I know your shipment of kumquats will spoil in a few hours, but we've been getting a lot of trafficking of contraband along this route. Oh, what kind of contraband? Ummm...illegal kumquats. From, uh, North Kumquatistan? Yes, sir, we need to make sure your kumquats check out and aren't, you know, supporting terrorism or something like that, because North Kumquatistan and the War on Terror and all. You don't want to help the terrorists, do you? It's just a sad coincidence that the inspection will take, um, somewhere between a few hours from now and, wait, when does the World Cup end again? Yeah, around that time.
I have the feeling that after a few weeks, or months, of such checkpoints being active, that Kansas and Nebraska and other states might decide that Colorado drivers potentially smuggling pot might not be such a big issue. And then at the same time we can decide that maybe the problem of smuggling terrorist kumquats is a bit overblown too.
Of course stopping commerce from...let's just call them less-than-cooperative states might be a problematic. With the lose laws of incorporation (and everybody incorporating in Delaware anyway) it's a bit hard to pin down exactly what defines Nebraska or Kansas-based commerce. That's not to say we can't do it the other way.
Hey, maybe Kansas and Nebraska can live without Colorado-sourced Rocky Ford Cantaloupe?
...ah, hell, who am I kidding, of course they can.
But wait! Maybe Colorado can get our allies-in-weed Washington and California involved! I'm sure it's not like there's a Starbucks on every street corner in Lincoln or Topeka, right? It's not going to be a big problem if Microsoft were to withhold software updates to Nebraska and Kansas-based homes and businesses, right? I bet they've never even heard of these fancy computer machines over there! Hey, maybe they can wait over in Wichita to see Avengers 2 when it finally gets on Netflix. Hell, I bet it's not like the folk over there wants to support the pot lovers in Hollyweird with their honestly hard-earned dollars anyway! They might even be able to fill up their theaters with home-grown cinema of, I don't know, corn pone or whatever it is they do over there.
Needless to say there's a lot of wishful thinking involved, not to mention a lot of coalition-building by our governor and state legislature over, well, I guess it depends on how big of a problem they see this thing as. Then again, Hickenlooper has a reputation for being a great mediator and a friendly guy, so who knows?
In the meantime, I guess I'll have to enjoy my staycation for the indefinite future. Or have a screwdriver handy when I see an Illinois-tagged car drive by.
Top image credit The Denver Post. All footage belongs to their respective copyright holders, used under Fair Use.
macanamera
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:13 |
|
How can troopers even read your ice-encrusted, cow-pie-covered Colorado plates hurr durr?
Nibbles
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:19 |
|
It may be time for some "investigative journalism". May just rig up the car with some cameras, drive back and forth through W Kansas for a while - obeying all the laws - and see if I get pulled over.
Jayhawk Jake
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:20 |
|
My suggestion?
Legalize it everywhere.
And no, I'm not some druggie, but seriously: how the fuck are tobacco and alcohol legal but marijuana is not?! Not to mention the amount of money we spend as a country enforcing laws against it...
505Turbeaux
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:21 |
|
Even when I lived out there in Denver 10+ years ago, pot was such a non issue. The cops were just as likely to take your weed as "evidence" to "test", usually with a personal bong, than write you for it. Now that it is legal cops in other states surrounding CO, which are very not friendly to weed, see it as a revenue booster. They figure everyone is a pothead. Which is just as legit as any other tactic they use to pull you over and then look for a reason. God dammit
/rant
RacecaR
> Jayhawk Jake
06/19/2014 at 09:29 |
|
|
Nibbles
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:32 |
|
Or: Colorado has a billion+ custom plates available, they should issue one that has "RELAX GUY, I'M NOT HIGH" scrawled across the bottom
The Gray Adder
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:34 |
|
1. Ask why you're being pulled over.
2. Take the guy's badge number.
3. If you don't get a straight answer to #1, deploy lawyers.
There is still a Fourth Amendment. Use it.
|
Nibbles
> The Gray Adder
06/19/2014 at 09:45 |
|
I wish I had a deployable lawyer. I might have to retain one just for the next crosscountry trip.
MonkeePuzzle
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 09:47 |
|
the columbine purple pot leaf has suuuuuch a smooth high
spanfucker retire bitch
> Jayhawk Jake
06/19/2014 at 09:56 |
|
That's because the government loves spending money as much as it hates raking it in. I mean, just imagine the billions of dollars in taxes that legalized Marijuana could bring in for State and Federal?
We can't be having that.
MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 10:07 |
|
Very well written.
I don't care about the pot thing, I don't use and wouldn't if it's legal, just not my thing.
Like I've said a million times, it doesn't effect me either way. Not cool of the cops to profile and I DO hope you local government gets involved with helping out.
maximillious
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 10:09 |
|
I recently made the drive from denver to central il. Via Neb/Iowa. The entire drive was spent t going no more than 10 over in the rural areas and I had my new acquired colorado plates....not to mention I never put on the front plate...cuz ST. not once in my 1300 mile drive did a single cop even begin to act like they were going to pull me over.... not even when I was 10 miles from the music festival I was going to that is NOT ORIO US for massive arrest numbers on that weekend.... idk if the rumors are true. It sounds like a bunch of butt hurt people being external locusts of control and blaming something else for their fuck up. BUT. This was a fun read and we'll worded! Thanks :)
Enginerrrrrrrrr
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 10:42 |
|
I just drove all the way through Wyoming and back on a road trip to yellowstone. Never thought about getting pulled over for weed profiling.
Getting the legislature involved won't do anything but waste money and time. All this sort of thing is going to take is a few lawsuits over profiling and then the outer states will start wising up. New Mexico is an exception because the police are the most ticket-happy cops I've seen in any state...
You can tell a Finn but you can't tell him much
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
06/19/2014 at 10:55 |
|
Put the joint down and check a map... "the Colorado/Nebraska border on I-80" hurr, durr. Turns out that I-80 doesn't actually enter Colorado, it crosses Nebraska and then Wyoming very close to their southern borders without actually crossing the border. What you are looking for is I-76 at the Colorado/Nebraska border.
/Trying to be funny and make a hurr, durr joke and a pothead joke in one shot but I sound like a dick.
/Still going for the twofer.
Denver Is Stuck In The 90s
> Nibbles
06/19/2014 at 14:32 |
|
I dont have a personal lawyer per say, but my cousin is one so I could always call him
Your boy, BJR
> Jayhawk Jake
06/19/2014 at 22:26 |
|
I'm not some druggie either, but as a shameless stoner, I agree wholeheartedly.